Rex Simpson Clothes/OPSM & Josephs Shoes – Sydney, NSW
Rex (the kind of name we’d mock these days for being pretentious) Simpson burst onto the men’s fashion scene in the 1950s with one goal: to swathe men in fine clothes. He must have done well, because this building is named Simpson House for his efforts.
As with so many big stores from the olden days, it’s taken two modern shops to replace it; in this case, Josephs [sic] Shoes and OPSM. The real interesting point to note here is neighbour Ron Bennett’s tagline: “Fine Clothing for Men”. What a thief! That said, Ron’s been making men look fine since 1888, so it’s more likely that Rex pinched the line for his own bigger shop. That’s why he’s the king…
TRUTHFUL UPDATE: Reader Ruth has written in to reveal the heretofore unknown true story of Rex Simpson’s ownership. Writes Ruth, “Rex Simpson wasn’t actually the store’s owner; the store was owned by my grandfather, John Bell. l remember visiting at the shop many times in the late 1960s when l was in my late teens. He also owned the factory that made the clothes.”
I guess John Bell Clothes didn’t sound quite as dynamic. Thanks, Ruth!
Beach Fashion of Australia/Mitsubishi Heavy Industries – Kingsgrove, NSW
Many summers ago, this Kingsgrove location sold beach fashion to anyone who wanted to spend their summer catching rays and swimming in the sea. You can of course tell by the moronic tags and terrible Family Guy flavoured graffiti that that’s no longer the case.
It’s very telling and very sad that modern society has chosen the insular alternative of an air conditioner over cooling off at the beach in summertime. Which would you rather do?
ANZ Bank/MPA/Closed – Homebush, NSW
Reader Dave gave me a hot tip about this place: “It was the ANZ Bank that I used to go to. It was closed up and never used since. Look through the front window and you’ll see all the teller’s benches with glass partitions between covered in dust, as if the bank was suddenly deserted and locked up as a time capsule. Even for me it’s spooky frozen in time.”
Needless to say, I couldn’t pass that up. Unfortunately, someone tipped them off because the blinds were drawn when I got there, allowing me to see absolutely nothing. I looked for any hint (apart from the obvious design of the shopfront) that it was ever a bank, but instead came across something much more ridiculous. If you look closely, you can see the letters MPA on the front of the building. Here:
And on the building’s sign, the acronym reveals a shameful secret:
Yes, MPA is Master Painters Australia NSW, a fact available to us through this masterful painting job. Well done, guys.
John Storey Memorial Dispensary/Clinic 36 – Chippendale, NSW
Dwarfed by the apartment towers around Regent Street is this strange little corner building that looks almost medieval.
Closer inspection reveals that it was once the John Storey Memorial Dispensary, opened in 1926. Storey was a former NSW Premier who died in October 1921 after a lifelong battle with nephritis. No sooner was he in the ground than rumblings began about how best to honour his memory:
SMH, 31 Oct 1921
The paper alludes to the dispensary’s clientele as the city’s ‘sick poor’; what a diplomatic way of putting it. Today, the building is home to Clinic 36, and you’d be forgiven for thinking it might be a trendy bar. Nope, it’s a methadone clinic. Even after the deal was done to erect the Dispensary, the city officials weren’t satisfied that Storey’s name had been honoured enough:
The Daily News (Perth), 4 Apr 1922
I’m not exaggerating when I say that this letter goes on for a page and a half longer. They just didn’t care! Anyway, the point of the article is that a playground should be made to keep kids off the streets and out of crime’s way – a good cause, but as far as I can see the playground never materialised. But that’s okay, because even though it’s not quite as innocent as it was to begin with, Storey’s dispensary still looks after those children who’ve encountered the ‘evils of the street’.
The Liquidators/Coco Express/Fruit market – Rockdale, NSW
By remaining nameless, this relatively new Rockdale fruit market is presumably hoping to avoid the fates of its predecessors. First we have Coco Express, a women’s fashion outlet with a meaningless name. Seriously, does Coco Express evoke any thoughts of women’s clothing whatsoever? And if it does, what kind? Coconut bras and hula skirts?
Going back even further we can see this was once the domain of the Liquidators discount variety store, a Reject Shop reject. They’re all gone now so it’s safe to talk about them, and I’d like to say that for a business called the Liquidators, they left themselves open to a lot of ridicule by not completely covering their tracks and liquidating. I like that they got a ladder happening to paint over the higher instance of their logo, but ran out of liquidation for the awning. Budget indeed.
Past/Lives of the Near Future 